35 of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (August 30, 2025)

Advertisement
  • 01

    Kind of a perfect story

    sorry I snapped ❤ @MollyL I had this air purifier thing for like 3 years but never really considered how it worked then I saw someone online changing the filter inside and I was like oh man I bet mine is filthy then I opened it and the filter was pristinely wrapped in plastic 6:24 PM 8/15/26 1.2M Views 111 • 1946 69K ☐ 1.3K ↑
  • 02

    I can't wait for Shakira Law

    Tony D'Orazio ❤ @TonyForLP Under Shakira Law: - all br ts are only allowed to be small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains. - hips are not allowed to lie. What other laws am I missing? Rep. Jack Kimble @RepJackKim.... 11/8/25 Mark my words, NYC is heading for Shakira Law 5:46 PM 8/16/26 3.8M Views . 569 17 8.8K 99K ☐ 2.6K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 03

    Playing four dimensional chess

    IntellectualDorkWeb @Intel_Dork It's actually pronounced "jaslight", and you've been saying it wrong this whole time. 7:20 AM 8/20/26-323K Views 238 171.5K 16K 521
    via TwitterLitter
  • 04

    A huge flying lawnmower

    CID planefag ❤ @planefag light aviation is like if your life depended on your lawnmower running flawlessly BREAKING 911 Breaking911 @Breaking911 - 7/28/26 A pilot safely landed a small plane on Huntington Beach after losing engine power shortly after takeoff from John Wayne Airport. The pilot and his 16-year-old nephew were unharmed, and the FAA is investigating the cause of the engine failu... 1013 Elder Abe Air Force Nov NEWS ELEVATING ELDER DIGNITY 45128 SMALL PLANE MAKES EMERGENCY LANDING ON
    via TwitterLitter
  • 05

    He has no laws of his own

    roro, PhD @fuglibetty The cyclist is a disarming evil; he possesses all the arrogance of the driver with all the victim complex of a pedestrian • 4:53 PM 7/28/26 1.5M Views 176 17 7.7K 74K ☐ 3.4K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 06

    Or do they still say pound but it refers to money

    BATTLE BYRÐ @BattleByrd Do British dudes take their girl to kilogram town? 3:02 PM 7/28/26 885K Views • 274 17956 20K ☐ 704
    via TwitterLitter
  • 07

    I think you have to throw hands

    BIG TIMI @OrevaZSN I accidentally said “Let's take this outside" instead of "Let's take this offline" during a Teams meeting today. Now I'm pretty sure I have to fight everyone in the parking lot at 4pm. 6:45 AM - 8/24/26 539K Views 95 17 1.8K 43K ☐ 612 ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 08

    I am somewhere else entirely

    CHEЄKU*。 @Okay_Bye_ The inside of my brain when someone starts explaining rules of a card game Made with Al 9:11 AM 7/28/26 10M Views • 1.1K 17 72K 380K ☐ 42K ↑ 2
    via TwitterLitter
  • 09

    Honestly a great approach

    Olga Khazan ME, BUT BETTER @olgakhazan This is quietly going to ensure he stays single for years michael hess @mchlhess 3d started using the ChatGPT iMessage connector with my hinge dates. going well so far SH Sophie Hinge Yesterday 11:47 AM Hey! it's Michael from hinge Hey Michael! Excited to see you for our date tomorrow :) Me too, Sophie. And honestly? This isn't just a date - it's an opportunity for authentic connection. Today 6:52 PM hey I'm so sorry but I had 9:46 PM 8/21/26 2.8M Views
    via TwitterLitter
  • 10

    Can't argue with that

    ketball ske Caitlin Cooper @C2_Cooper Best plural forms ranked: 1) internal (tours de force, culs-de-sac) 2) ending in -i (magi) 3) is to es (oases) 4) suppletive (people) 5) vowel changes (geese) 6) f to ves (thieves) 7) adding en (oxen) 8) no change (moose) 9) adding es, ies (boxes, babies) 10) adding s 12:12 AM 8/24/26 · 704K Views 263 27 2K 25K ☐ 3.6h
    via TwitterLitter
  • 11

    Perfect machine for email work

    Mason Home Builder @bankertobuilder I can't think of a better vehicle for commuting 45 miles each way to a corporate email job via a tollway in North Texas Pisg 5:38 PM 8/20/26 1.5M Views 274 2.6K 52K ☐ 1.6K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 12

    You know it's all the time

    emma jean @emma_jean23 How often do you think the Savannah Bananas are hooking up with single moms 3:27 PM 7/26/26.5.2M Views . 746 tz 1K 69K 1.9K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 13

    Some things just happen

    Kyan Yang 0 @kyanyang when the "this edge case cant happen in prod" edge case occurs in prod bc a user decided to downgrade their subscription with airplane wifi while flying across time zones on february 29th 12:08 AM 8/21/26 91K Views • 19 17271 ☑ 7K 460 ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 14

    I will do what my ancestors would have wanted me to

    @dopaminedrank You are born in the one period of human history where you can go on the computer all day. Your ancestors never had that opportunity, don't waste it by going outside. 1:39 AM 8/23/26 · 450K Views 75 13.1K 35K ☐ 1.8K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 15

    They've figured stuff out we're only starting to understand

    Allie + @allie_voss Periodically the Japanese politely, gently remind us that they are living centuries ahead E@nolifenomogashi. 2d Translated from Japanese I love the bottom part of cheesecake so much that I tried making it with the entire thing as the base(?)♪♪♪♪ 4:58 PM - 8/22/26.5.3M Views 156 17 5.4K 95K ☐ 6.8K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 16

    Just what you wanted to know

    Misha Glouberman @mishaglouberman I put eight years of Fitbit data into Claude. It spent a couple of hours analyzing everything, looking for correlations, etc. What it found: When I stay up late, I don't get as much sleep 3:34 PM 8/22/26 2.2M Views 257 1534 27K 883 ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 17

    Caught in a lie

    Paolo! @pcnsnji Clicking "Request Access" after telling my boss I've been working on the file for 2 weeks. IEBE EVA kary. 1:08 AM 8/20/26 597K Views 56 14.4K 2 43K 1.4K 企
    via TwitterLitter
  • 18

    Oh so you're bad at knowing stuff?

    K80 @scriptK80 "I'm smart I'm just a bad test taker" oh u fail at the part where we find out if you know the stuff 4:47 PM 8/22/26 1M Views 164 17 2K 63K 1.8K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 19

    Doing advanced stuff over here

    Cornelius Webster @DONTEVENGOLOL getting an adderall prescription so i can interrupt women faster and talk over them louder 2:31 PM 8/19/26 1.1M Views 76 tz 2.7K 53K ☐ 2.2K
    via TwitterLitter
  • 20

    This is what we should be using it for

    alafu sasa? @_antimonyy ngl, this is an unbeatable Al use case Kuber @kuberwastaken. 1d just Claude writing a MacOS driver for my obscure HP printer built only for Windows support = E = U . = P 7:26 AM - 8/18/26 · 1.3M Views 55 12.3K 58K ☐ 4.4K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 21

    They legit hate us

    B. @ArtLesbo "here's your flour in the worst possible container. f you." -flour companies 4:04 PM 3/22/22 Q 176 17 12K 134K ☐ 1K
    via TwitterLitter
  • 22

    What are we doing here

    Carlisle → @Carlisle Diana multiple straight men in my Pilates class this morning • 1:26 PM 8/23/26 1.9M Views 158 17256 12K ☐ 412 ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 23

    This is very important to remember

    3B Melannie Jay @airbudhc There are 50 people in the PreCheck line but 15 in the regular line. However - and this is what we must remember - each one of those 15 people is experiencing their first day on earth erin chack @ErinChack 2d • Guys, if we all have TSA precheck, then none of us have TSA precheck 4:23 PM 8/17/26 2.3M Views 93 17 2K 68K ☐ 1.3K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 24

    That's too many leches

    We're reaching levels of leche cake that shouldn't be possible = a Cooking Seis Leches Cake By Melissa Clark Published January 21, 2020 ང ✓ David Malosh for The New York Times. Food Stylist: Simon Andrews. 10:55 AM - 8/18/26 · 752K Views > 246 1 2.7K 31K ☐ 2.2K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 25

    This is an advanced list

    Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan Nick Drake is one of my favourite people named after a type of bird theft. Others include Russell Crowe, Rob Fowler, Peregrin Took and Jack Sparrow. 5:22 AM 8/18/26 - 700K Views 143 1 2.1K 22K ☐ 2.4K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 26

    Things are going great

    Emilia 1⭑ @aerendian Inside you there are two wolves. This furry convention is going much better than you planned. 5:26 PM 8/16/26 432K Views 48 1 1.4K 25K ☐ 1.3K
    via TwitterLitter
  • 27

    Gen X Jesus

    Toxie Havok @ToxieHavok spiritbo The "H" in Jesus H. Chrit stands for Hoobastank because hedd for a reason and the reason is you 5:19 PM 8/17/26 393K Views 106 12.6K 16K 976 ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 28

    A beautiful surveillance device

    low time preference @bitcoin intern Having a wife is like having a flock camera in your house 3:47 PM 8/17/26 382K Views 67 17606 14K 583
    via TwitterLitter
  • 29

    I'd still eat it tbh

    Eric Bandholz @bandholz So I had this idea for hamburgers in the shape of hotdogs. I didn't think it all the way through, clearly. • 4:18 PM 4/13/24 21M Views . 2.5K 17 8.1K 75K 3.5K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 30

    It never calms down does it

    signüll @signulll adulthood is saying "after this week, things should calm down" every week until you di . 9:28 PM 8/16/26-901K Views 89 17 2.6K 31K 1.5K
    via TwitterLitter
  • 31

    A litte known secret

    vandul @_vandul One little Easter egg in the Disney world magic kingdom park is if you wink and kiss the tinker bell actress they put you in a special detainment facility underground for several hours until Orlando police arrive and your wife takes the kids to her mothers and you drink more 5:15 PM 8/16/26 116K Views 13 144 5.3K 189 ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 32

    Something was off in them

    Roddert White @KingCheddar69 Someone put that lettuce hazy ipas I drank last night 11:40 AM - 8/15/26 1.9M Views virus in the 7 62 17 1K 43K 826
    via TwitterLitter
  • 33

    And that's a huge difference

    tt✩ ✩ @Bluebirdeyessss Only difference between me & someone in a psych ward is I'm outside 6:52 PM 8/15/26 175K Views 36 ↑ 2.5K 10K 462
    via TwitterLitter
  • 34

    The ancient texts

    StoneVol Jackson @stonevol1861 State trooper finally took an exit. Pace car is off. Time to open it up son 12:57 PM 8/10/26 2.4M Views 65 [ 2.7K 58K ☐ 1.3K ↑
    via TwitterLitter
  • 35

    Goated kind of customer

    Maryam @hell_line0 im still haunted by the memory of a woman who ordered orange syrup in her cappuccino, took a sip, scrunched her nose, and said "I don't know what I was thinking, but thank you anyways." She sat there and drank the whole thing..i offered to make her something else, and she said, "I am living with the consequences." Daisy @DaizyZeeX. 1d Unpopular opinion? I don't think fruity flavors like blueberry belong in coffee. There I said it.. 9:37 AM 8/15/26 2.9M Views 58 1 6.7K 150K ☐ 3
    via TwitterLitter

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article